One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
The martini: the only American invention as perfect as the sonnet.
H. L. Mencken
He knows just how I like my martini - full of alcohol.
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
Ok, class, today we'll be sitting quietly with the lights off, because teacher has a hangover.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and
let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.
I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.
The best way to die is sit under a tree, eat lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer, then blow up.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure ... not even close.
You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.
Robert A. Heinlein
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of you glass.