Barware

Beer glassware runs the gamut: There are tankards and steins, pilsner glasses and pint glasses, wheat beer glasses and yard glasses, old-fashioned beer mugs and that pillar of high society, the beer bong. All work and have a somewhat valid reason for being, but truth be told beer could give a rat's ass about the type of glass in which it is served. In fact, unless you're in England where beer is consumed at a temperature just slightly above that of pig urine, beer's only requirement is it be served as cold as possible. However, judging from the NASCAR fan base even that hardly seems to matter.

Still, you should have a few beer glasses in the bar, just to keep up appearances. Which kind? Well, if your drinking guests tend to stagger a lot or stage impromptu cage fights on the lanai, good old-fashioned beer mugs are the call. They're beasts, sporting a manly handle, dimpled sidewalls for an improved grip, and run about as thick as an Arctic igloo which means they hold up well when someone succumbs to a crushed larynx or torn scrotum.

For the less violent, non-Cro-Magnon-type beer-drinking guests, pilsner/wheat beer and pint glasses will cover your needs.

Pint glasses hold an Imperial pint (1.2 U.S. pints) and come from the English, those cockney piss-swillers who by law need a certified, crown-stamped beer glass to prevent the local barkeep from short-pouring the patrons. The Germans created pilsner and wheat beer glasses (the former is stemmed) and, according to Wikipedia, claim that the glasses' slightly tapered bodies and fluted openings best "showcase the color, effervescence and clarity of the (beer's) style."� Whatever. Just serve the damn stuff cold.

One caveat, though, when serving beer in a glass -- pour it correctly, for crying out loud. It's not difficult. The boss can do it so pretty much any drunken double-fisted dolt can do it, too.

Here's how: Tilt the glass to approximately 45 degrees, rest the lip of the bottle or can on the rim of the glass and allow the beer to slowly travel in contact with the inner wall. As the bottle empties calmly bring the glass back to upright, careful to not let the precious nectar spill or run down the side, an egregious beer pouring sin and the mark of a rank amateur.

The goal is to have a glass mostly filled with beer (aim for around 95%) topped off with a thin to marginally thin foam cap. Some people even wet the inside of the glass with cold water to reduce foaming. Whatever you do just don't dump the beer all willy-nilly directly into the glass or you'll end up with more head than a Vegas whorehouse. And you'll look like an idiot.