After 5 Martini Recipe Library

As such there’s something like a kazillion different martini recipes floating around out there in Bar Land, and by the end of happy hour tomorrow there’ll be a kazillion more.

We’ve tried to streamline the data by including in our After 5 Martini Recipe Library only martini recipes we can vouch for. Well, some we made up just to feed our sick sense of humor, but the rest are proven martini concoctions tried and endorsed by our friends, family, spouses, exes, co-workers, lovers, children, clergy, even the FedEx guy.

Try the recipes as they are or use them as guidelines to create your own. And remember, the library is a work in progress, a thing we’ll update as the hangovers ebb, so check in often.

Martini Mixing Tip: Always (always, always) use fresh ice and keep everything as cold as possible -- the cocktail shaker, martini glass, the liquor, cocktail pick – everything. After that, anything goes.

Banana Cream Pie Martini Recipe
2 oz. light rum
1⁄2 oz. creme de banane
1⁄2 oz. Godiva Liqueur
1⁄2 oz. white creme de cacao
Combine rum and liqueurs into mixing glass. Add ice; stir to chill. Strain into a chilled martini glass.

Barbed Wire Martini Recipe
6 parts vodka
1 teaspoon sweet vermouth
1/2 teaspoon Pernod
1/2 teaspoon Chambord
Lemon twist
Combine liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice; shake well. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon twist.

Birth of Venus Martini Recipe
2 oz. vodka
1 oz. Cointreau
1 tsp. Blue Curacao
1 oz. peach juice
1 oz. champagne
Combine vodka, liqueurs and juice in mixing glass. Add ice; stir to chill. Strain into a chilled martini glass; top with champagne and lightly stir.

Blind Kamikaze Martini Recipe
2 oz. light rum
1⁄2 oz. peach schnapps
1⁄2 oz. Midori
1⁄2 oz. Chambord
Lemon twist for garnish
Pour rum, schnapps and liqueurs into mixing glass. Add ice; stir to chill. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Add lemon twist garnish.

Bobby Brown Martini Recipe
12 oz. Diva Vodka
Two hits crystal meth
Brown paper sack
Pour vodka into empty Mad Dog 20-20 bottle, set inside brown paper sack. Guzzle, chase with the two hits of crank, go slap Whitney Houston.

Breakfast Martini Recipe
1 1/2 oz. Bombay Sapphire® gin
3/4 oz. fresh lemon juice
3/4 oz. Cointreau® orange liqueur
1 tsp. light marmalade
Shake ingredients with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a piece of a sliced of toast.

Brokeback Mountain Martini Recipe
3/4 oz. Beefeater Gin
1 jigger man juice
Assless chaps
Petroleum jelly to taste
Mix gin and man juice in a chilled metal coffee mug and serve. Repeat as necessary. Slip on chaps, apply petroleum jelly and go giddy-up with your man partner.

Cajun Martini Recipe
6 parts pepper vodka
1 dash of dry vermouth
Olive stuffed with pickled jalapeño pepper
Combine liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice; shake well. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with olive.

California Martini Recipe
6 parts vodka
1 part red wine
1 tablespoon dark rum
3 to 5 dashes orange bitters
Orange twist
Combine liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice; shake well. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with orange twist.

Chocolate Martini Recipe
6 parts vodka
1 part chocolate liqueur
Chocolate curl
Combine vodka and liqueur in a mixing glass with ice cubes and stir. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with chocolate curl.

Classic Martini Recipe
Three parts gin (choice)
One part French vermouth
Shaken in iced shaker.
Olive garnish.

Classic Vodka Martini Recipe
1 oz. vodka
1⁄4 oz. dry vermouth
Stir with ice. Strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with an olive or lemon twist.

Cosmopolitan Martini Recipe
4 parts Citron Vodka
2 parts Cointreau or Triple Sec
2 parts cranberry juice
1 part lime fresh juice
Shake in ice-filled shaker. Serve in chilled martini glass.

Dick Cheney Martini Recipe
Couple of cold beers
Double barrel 28 gauge shotgun
Birdshot
Slam frosties in chilled cans; load shotgun and head into woods. Find Harry Whittington and shoot him in the face.

Dirty Blonde Martini Recipe
2 oz. vodka
1 oz. Johnnie Walker Gold Label
1 oz. Drambuie
Combine ingredients in mixing glass. Add ice; stir to chill. Strain into chilled martini glass.

Down and Dirty Dry Martini Recipe
3 oz. gin
1/2 oz. olive juice
Shake gin and olive brine with crushed ice. Strain into a cocktail glass. Rub the rib with a wedge of lemon and drop into chilled martini glass. Garnish with two cocktail onions.

Eunuch Martini Recipe
Standard Dry Martini recipe (see below) Garnish with two olives and a cocktail weenie. Remove olives and drink.

Flying Grasshopper Martini Recipe
1 oz. vodka
1 dash green Creme de Menthe
1 dash white Creme de Menthe
Combine ingredients in a blender with cracked ice. Blend at low speed until slushy. Pour into chilled martini glass.

Gibson Martini Recipe
Standard Dry Martini recipe (see below) garnished with cocktail onions instead of an olive.

Golf Martini Recipe
4 oz. gin
1 oz. dry vermouth
4 dashes Angostura® bitters
Shake with cracked ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with an olive

Haunted Bride Martini Recipe
11⁄2 oz. gin
1 oz. dry vermouth
1⁄2 oz. benedictine
1 tsp. Pernod
2 dashes bitters of choice
Combine ingredients in mixing glass. Add ice; stir to chill. Strain into a chilled martini glass.

Hep Cat Martini Recipe
6 parts berry vodka
1 part dry vermouth
1 dash sweet vermouth
1 dash Cointreau
Combine ingredients in a mixing glass with cracked ice; stir well. Strain into a chilled martini glass.

In and Out Martini Recipe (a.k.a. Watergate Martini after Richard Nixon, who reportedly was drinking them the night the Watergate crises drove him from office.)
Gin to vermouth at 7-to-1 ratio
Pour a small measure of vermouth into an ice-filled shaker, shake to coat ice. Drain vermouth. Add gin to taste to vermouth-tinged ice, shake and serve.

Indispensable Martini recipe
3 oz. gin
3/4 oz dry vermouth
3/4 oz sweet vermouth
Shake ingredients together with cracked ice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a chilled martini glass, Garnish with an orange twist.

Jack London Martini Recipe
6 parts currant vodka
2 parts Dubonnet blanc
1 part maraschino liqueur
Lemon twist
Combine liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice; shake well. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon twist.

Kick Your Ass Dirty Martini Recipe
1 oz. vodka
1/4 oz. extra dry vermouth
5 - 6 oz club soda
3 tsp. olive juice
2 olives
Build over ice in chilled martini glass. Stir.

Lemon Drop Martini Recipe
11⁄2 ounces lemon-flavored vodka
3⁄4 ounces lemon juice
1 teaspoon simple syrup
Rim glass in sugar
Shake ingredients with ice in a steel shaker. Strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with a wheel of lemon.

"Martinez" Martini Recipe
(Purportedly the first “martini” recipe ever served, circa 1862 by Julio Richeleau in his Martinez, California saloon.)
Four parts red, sweet vermouth
One part Old Tom gin
Aromatic bitters
Garnished with a cherry
Shake it or stir it into a chilled martini glass.

Melonball Martini Recipe
3⁄4 oz. vodka
1⁄2 oz. melon liqueur
2 oz. orange juice
Shake well with crushed ice. Strain into chilled martini glass.

Mel Gibson Martini Recipe
Standard Dry Martini recipe (see below) garnished with an anti-Semitic diatribe.

Michael Richards Martini Recipe
Standard Dry Martini recipe (see below) garnished with a career-ending racial diatribe.

Mike Tyson Martini Recipe
2 oz. Beefeater Gin
Two jiggers saliva
Mix ingredients in a chilled sports bottle. Garnish with chunk of ear cartilage, and serve.

Mikhail’s Martini Recipe
2 oz. Stoli Kafya Vodka
1⁄4 oz. Stoli Vanilla Vodka
Stir ingredients in an ice-filled pitcher; strain into a chilled martini glass. Add several coffee beans

Milli Vanilli Martini Recipe
Standard dry martini recipe (see below)
Faux dreadlocks wig
Shake with ice in a cocktail mixer or shaker and strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with an olive. Don wig. Pretend to drink.

Mistletoe Martini recipe
1 oz. coconut rum
1 oz. melon liqueur
1 oz. pineapple juice
1 oz. sweet and sour mix
Combine ingredients into a mixing glass. Stir vigorously. Strain into chilled martini glass.

Oregonian Martini Recipe
4 oz. Kettle One Vodka
1/4 oz. Rain Water
Splash Huckleberry juice
Heavy Duty Rain Slicker and Boots
Combine ingredients in a chilled martini glass. Drink. Repeat. Drink. Repeat. Drink.
Put on rain slicker and boots, pack up your belongings and move the hell to Oregon.

Peppermint Martini recipe
3 oz. pepper vodka
1 oz. white creme de menthe
Combine ingredients into shaker half-filled with cracked ice. Shake well; strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a sprig of mint.

Ron Jeremy Martini Recipe
2 oz. Popov Vodka
1/4 oz. cherry juice
Big load of cream
Garnish with a foot-long hot dog

Sour Apple Martini Recipe
3 oz. lemon lime soda
3 oz. apple juice
1 oz. Dekuyper Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps®
1 oz. Absolut Vodka®
Over rocks, mix both alcohols; follow with apple juice and soda. Stir.

Standard Dry Martini Recipe
2 oz. gin
1/4 oz. dry vermouth
Shaken or stirred. Olive garnish.

Terry’s Pomegranate Martini Recipe
2 oz. citrus vodka
1/2 oz. fresh lemon juice
1/4 oz. fresh pomegranate juice
1 oz simple syrup
Shake all ingredients well with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Rose water dash is optional. Garnish with flamed orange peel.

Ultimate Martini Recipe
Bombay Sapphire Gin
Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
Ice (made with filtered water)
One extra large cocktail olive (un-pitted)
Chill glass with crushed ice and water, set aside. Half fill shaker with crushed and cubed ice. Add 1 oz. of vermouth, shake briefly, then pour out all liquid. Add Sapphire to taste, shake briefly, then swirl. Remove ice and water from chilled glass. Pour gin into chilled martini glass. Garnish with pick-less olive.

Vesper Martini Recipe
Bond’s trademark martini so-named after the beautiful double agent in
Casino Royale
Three measures Gordon's Gin
One measure vodka of choice
Half measure Kina Lillet
Shake (duh) in strainer until ice-cold, pour into chilled martini glass
Garnish with a large thin slice of lemon-peel

Watergate Martini Recipe (a.k.a. In and Out Martini. Newly named after Richard Nixon, who reportedly was drinking them the night the Watergate crises drove him from office.)
Gin to vermouth at 7-to-1 ratio
Pour a small measure of vermouth into an ice-filled shaker, shake to coat ice. Drain vermouth. Add gin to taste to vermouth-tinged ice, shake and serve.

Zen Martini Recipe (P.J. O’Rourke’s invention)
No gin
No vermouth, either.